Limbo

Match Day is 10 days away. (In case you don't know, Match Day is the day that 4th year medical students find out where they will go for residency.)

I know what you're thinking, didn't Brad already "match" for residency in Boston?

The simple answer is yes. The more complicated answer is that Ophthalmology has an early match and that Brad's residency program in Boston does not include an intern year. He had to interview and apply separately for his first year of residency. So, while we are thrilled about going to Boston, we will not be going there until July of 2013. Our lives for the next year are still up in the air. Until Match Day.

I've been telling people that I feel like we are in limbo. When I looked up the definition of limbo tonight, I had a good laugh:
1: Roman Catholic Theology: a region on the border of hell
2: a place or state of imprisonment or confinement
3: an intermediate, transitional, or midway state or place
4: a dance from the West Indies in which the dancer bends backwards from the knees and moves with a shuffling step under a horizontal bar that is lowered after each successive  pass

Though definition 3 describes my view of our "limbo" most of the time, I admit I have sometimes thought of it as #2 and sometimes (dare I admit it?) even #1.

Basically, this waiting stinks.

I know what your advice would be to me because I've given it to myself. "Try to forget about it and enjoy this time. You'll never be here again." Yes, yes, YES!

But all I can think about are questions that for now must remain unanswered: Where will Lainy go to school next year? Where will we live? Will it be close to family? (I would love to be closer to family before heading back East.) Will it be a little house with a yard? Or another cramped apartment? How will we move? What will we take with us? etc. etc. etc.

See? It's enough to drive a person crazy! And I have been quite crazy, lately. Just ask my girls.

Nevertheless, I have determined to focus on the good. All this will soon be over and I can start planning and envisioning our life for the next year. For now, I'll try to live in the present and enjoy it.

Maybe doing the limbo would help... yes?

Lainy Swims

Lainy has always been nervous around water. She hated baths for a long time and only very recently stopped having anxiety when I'd wash her hair. We have wanted to get her into swimming lessons for a long time. In January we finally signed her up for a 4-year-old class at a nearby pool.

Her first lesson was horrible. The process of putting kids into classes was very chaotic so Lainy was left hanging on the side of the pool waiting for far too long. By the time a teacher finally made it over to her, she was silently crying. The teacher turned out to be very callous to nervous children, which only upset Lainy more and prompted her to scream and cry through the whole thing. I was pretty upset too. Despite being lectured by the teacher about it being "better to stay in the water", I pulled my terrified child out of the pool with ten minutes left and held her close. Brad and I debated about not sending her back, but decided that we'd give it one more week.

We showed up early for the next class and were greeted warmly by a new teacher who is fun and sweet and awesome! It has made all the difference to Lainy (and to me).

Now, after 8 lessons, Lainy can float on her back by herself,

 kick with a kickboard,

 and dunk her head underwater.

 Awesome! We're so proud of her!

Bye-Bye Binky

Leah said goodbye to her pacifier on Saturday. It was certainly time to say goodbye but still, I am a little sad. Not because Leah needs a pacifier but because I finally had to admit to myself that she's too old for it. Darn.

Leah having one last go with her binkies before putting them in the binky box to give to babies who really need them.

The first few naptimes/bedtimes went fairly smoothly. Leah would ask for her binky, then nod submissively when I'd remind her that we'd said bye-bye to the binky. She went to sleep with no problem.

Last night I think she finally realized that her binky is gone forever. "My binky?" She asked hopefully as I settled her down for bed. "No," I said, "We said bye-bye binky, remember?" And she cried a low,sad, heartbroken cry from deep inside that shook her whole body. I rocked her and told her that it's okay to be sad. She put her head on my shoulder, her little arms clinging to my neck, and had a good cry.

I felt like a bad mother. She didn't really like the binky as a newborn but I forced her to take it. Now, after she's fallen in love with it I take it away. Boo.

But it is done. And I think Leah has finished mourning her lost binky. Today she didn't even mention it. She was too busy playing with the toy she chose at the store for being such a big girl.

So, bye-bye binky. Thank you for saving my sanity with a newborn and for being such a good friend to my toddler. I think she still loves me.

Let the Sun Shine

The constant drizzle falling from the Seattle sky is finally getting to me. Seriously. I think the term "blah" is a fairly accurate description of my mood lately. My cooking has been blah. My house feels blah. My days seem too dark and too long. Blah.

That's why it was a huge blessing to wake up to sunshine this morning.

After breakfast, the girls and I promptly laid down in front of our windows and basked in the warmth, eyes closed, smiles playing on our lips. And I felt all of the "blah" feelings inside me melt away by the glow.

Oh dear Lord, thank you for the sun! It's good to know she's still out there.

And since I was too busy sun-bathing to take a picture, here is one from a year ago when we were in similar circumstances:

Preschool Love?

Lainy had a good Valentine's day. It was her very first time making and trading Valentines at school.

She came home with this:

There were three Valentines from a boy named Jamal. I admit I was a little unnerved. Who is this Jamal, anyway? What does he think he's doing giving my daughter three Valentines? Is that 4-year-old code for "I like you"? Hmmm.

I asked Lainy about Jamal.

"Oh he's one of my friends at school," she said. "Last week at play court he pushed Abdallah (another boy) down because he asked to be my very best friend. But I still played with Abdallah anyway."

Abdallah? Wow, the plot thickens.

Then Lainy said this: "Mommy, can I make a special card for my extra special Valentine?"

"Of course," I said feeling slightly panicky, "Who is your extra special Valentine?"

"My Daddy," she said simply.

That's my girl. How silly of me to think she had given her heart away at 4-years-old!

And when Lainy came home from school yesterday and told me that she, Jamal, and Abdallah had all played together at play court, I smiled. Suddenly it all seemed as sweet and innocent as I'm sure it's always been. My glimpse into Lainy's life as a teenager was all just an irrational bad dream...

But seriously, can you blame me?