The Last One

Benjamin started potty-training the week everyone went back to school after Christmas. He pretty much got it on the first day (it was time). Now he's running around in his cute new superhero underwear and our house is empty of diapers for the first time ever.

It's a little bit sad.

Not the no diapers. I'm thrilled about that. What's sad is that it's my next big step away from mommy-ing little ones.

This summer we were cleaning out the garage and we came across a box filled with sweet, beautiful baby girl crib bedding. Brad gently asked what we should do with it. I sat and stared at it a while, memories flooding my mind and heart, then said "It's probably time". So, choking back the tears, I carefully unpacked each item, setting aside the beautiful baby quilt we'd found in a flea shop in Chicago when I was expecting Lainy--the one in perfect condition in the perfect colors that hung on the wall of her room from the day we set up the nursery until she graduated to a big girl bed--and put the rest in the donate pile.

Benjamin is our last baby. I've felt that since my pregnancy with him. But it's hard to let go of that stage of my life. I won't miss the exhaustion and the isolation, but the thought of never holding a sweet little newborn to my chest with little black eyes looking up at me in the middle of the night, or having a baby in the house...that makes me want to cry.

It all went so fast. Everyone says it does. But it truly, truly does.

These days I am finding a new normal. Everyone is at school during the day now except Ben and me. It's wonderful. But some days I miss the freedom of no schedule and the house full of small feet and cuddles. Now I can sense how fleeting that time was. Is. Benjamin will go to school soon too. Then what will I do?

My children don't define who I am and I adore the little people they are turning into. But I have truly cherished these precious years when they've been small and needed me so much. I have never been so busy but felt so fulfilled. And I realize now that they have been the most precious years of my life.

To Leah on Her Birthday

Dear Leah,

Nine! You are nine years old today! How fun!

You had quite a year! You were baptized, you played basketball, you had your first ballet recital, you sang a solo in church, you went to Hawaii, you started 3rd grade with a really awesome teacher...and more! When I asked you what the best thing about being 8 was, you said getting baptized and going to Hawaii. Your baptism was such a special day. And you've loved Hawaii since the first time we went when you were 4!

You are still our sweet girl. The family peacemaker. It's not uncommon for us to sit down to dinner to find a cute, personalized hand-written note from you on our plate. You are so thoughtful.

Friends have been hard this year. And honestly, that blows my mind. How could anyone not want to treat the sweetest girl in the world well?! I'm holding out hope that you will find some really good, kind, smart, fun girls to be your friend. Someone like you: strong and brave and kind. You deserve it. For now, you've been playing with the boys at recess. And that's fine by me too.

You are so good, Leah. You have a goodness and a pureness that I find pretty incredible in a girl your age. You are not perfect. No one is. But you make me want to be better. You make our family better.

I hope you have the best birthday! I hope you know how much we love you.

Love,
Mama

To Benjamin on His Birthday

Dear Benjamin,

Oh my dear boy. Today you are two! How in the world did that happen?! And so quickly too!

This year you have gone from a little, barely crawling baby to a full-fledged toddler. You run everywhere and climb on things. You do your best to keep up with your big brother and sisters. "Hey!" you shout. "Nainy! Eeaah!" I don't think you know how little you are. I love that about you.

I also love your blonde, curly hair and blue eyes. I wonder if your hair will stay blonde? I secretly hope so.

You have the best smile and the best laugh. You slide down the stairs on your belly faster than I can run down them. You love your blanket and can hardly handle being away from it. Your binky too, but we're trying to cut back on that, aren't we? (It's not going so well. You are winning on that front for now!) Some days you will hardly eat a morsel and I wonder how in the world you will survive. Usually you will take some bites from Daddy and that makes me feel better.

You love books and trains, cars and planes, balls and bath time. You love to color while Sam and the girls do schoolwork. You love action and attention, and sometimes demand it from all of us! You have added so much fun to our family. It's hard to remember what we were like without you.

In March, Daddy and I went away for a few days. We'd never done that before and it was hard for me to be away from you. Grandma said you were a perfect angel (besides not eating much). But once we got home I didn't think you'd ever forgive me for leaving you! You'd scream if I left the room and cling onto me if I tried to put you down. My goodness it's nice to be loved so much! (But a little exhausting too, if I'm honest.)

These days Lainy is the only babysitter you will tolerate. Leah reads you books when you're sad. Sam entertains and plays so good with you. Daddy gets you to eat and makes you laugh. And I really love the time when everyone else is at school and work and I get you all to myself. We love you so!

Happy Birthday, my littlest boy.

Love,
Mama

Gifts of Togetherness

Brad and I have decided to do Christmas a little differently this year. It started as a conversation at the beginning of  November. We'd just spent too long cleaning up our house before bed. The kids were frustrated. We were frustrated.

"How can we get away with not giving our kids more stuff for Christmas?" I asked Brad.

And so we started talking. Could we give them a trip to Boston? But we wouldn't go until June and that's too far away. Could we just do experience gifts? Movie tickets? Ski lessons?

Then we started talking about what we want Christmas to be for our family. We've never been crazy gift-givers (thanks med school and residency budget), but we definitely need to be more thoughtful about what we give and bring into our house. And December seems to fly by so fast. Last year we didn't even have time to do some of our favorite traditions. We want Christmas to be more meaningful. Less busy. Less stuff. More time together.

We were still mulling things over the week of Thanksgiving when I saw a story on Instagram from a lady I follow (Ralphie Jacobs from Simply on Purpose). She talked about the advent calendar her family does for the month of December. Each day they do an activity together. They call it "Gifts of Togetherness". What a sweet idea.

I talked it over with Brad and we came up with a plan for December. We bought a cute advent calendar and scheduled the things we want to make a priority. The rest we filled in with super simple, sometimes silly, things to do together at home. Santa Claus is taking care of  Christmas wishes, they drew names for each other, and they are receiving experience gifts from Brad and I. Super simple.

We're 10 days in, and I'm already loving it. I think the kids are too. Time, which seemed to be hurtling by, is slowing down a bit. Children are small for such a fleeting time. I'm trying to treasure these nights by the light of the Christmas tree when there's no where else we'd rather be.

Washing the Blanket Day

The day we wash Benjamin's blanket is always a long one around here. I have to time it just right so it will be washed and dry by the time he needs a nap. Then I pry it out of his little hands to put it in the washer.

It's a long wait...

Poor guy.

The best part is when we pull it out of the dryer, nice and warm and clean! Then all is right in his world again. Sweet boy.