Benjamin started potty-training the week everyone went back to school after Christmas. He pretty much got it on the first day (it was time). Now he's running around in his cute new superhero underwear and our house is empty of diapers for the first time ever.
It's a little bit sad.
Not the no diapers. I'm thrilled about that. What's sad is that it's my next big step away from mommy-ing little ones.
This summer we were cleaning out the garage and we came across a box filled with sweet, beautiful baby girl crib bedding. Brad gently asked what we should do with it. I sat and stared at it a while, memories flooding my mind and heart, then said "It's probably time". So, choking back the tears, I carefully unpacked each item, setting aside the beautiful baby quilt we'd found in a flea shop in Chicago when I was expecting Lainy--the one in perfect condition in the perfect colors that hung on the wall of her room from the day we set up the nursery until she graduated to a big girl bed--and put the rest in the donate pile.
Benjamin is our last baby. I've felt that since my pregnancy with him. But it's hard to let go of that stage of my life. I won't miss the exhaustion and the isolation, but the thought of never holding a sweet little newborn to my chest with little black eyes looking up at me in the middle of the night, or having a baby in the house...that makes me want to cry.
It all went so fast. Everyone says it does. But it truly, truly does.
These days I am finding a new normal. Everyone is at school during the day now except Ben and me. It's wonderful. But some days I miss the freedom of no schedule and the house full of small feet and cuddles. Now I can sense how fleeting that time was. Is. Benjamin will go to school soon too. Then what will I do?
My children don't define who I am and I adore the little people they are turning into. But I have truly cherished these precious years when they've been small and needed me so much. I have never been so busy but felt so fulfilled. And I realize now that they have been the most precious years of my life.
No comments:
Post a Comment